I am an African- American Bolivian woman and am currently dating a German man who must be that one in a million awesome guy. He is very goal oriented and definietly not controlling. If anything I am treated like a queen. He cooks me dinner , cleans , takes me out , plans weekend get aways, and listens to what I have to say .
I am not doubting the validity of these opinions but it really had me shocked. I do agree that maybe German men don't go on an all out rampage to pursue a woman. But that shouldn't discourage you, times are different and if that is something that you want then go out and get it.
Upon meeting my boyfriend for the first time he was shy and quiet. I just spoke to him like normal and just kept true to myself which in the end I believe is what made me more attractive to him and had him hooked. ( we are complete opposites but in our case opposites attract)
There have been a couple of occasions when I wasn't happy with some things and all it took was to simply address the problem. He was quick to make things better and to work on whatever needed to be fixed. I must admit there are some things that I am not use to but that is to be expected when dealing with anyone, regardless if they are foreigners or not.
For instance , I find it a little weird how its perfectly OK to hang out with your best-friend's girlfriend without the friend , or go to dinner, walks by a lake at sunset and hanging at their place with their friend who happens to be a girl. I think its a bit much and I would technically call that a date. But knowing who my boyfriend is , he is not that type of guy to make things seem more than what they are.
In my case , he is definitely not the jealous type and I guess thats because of the great trust we have in each other. But I find it hard to believe he wouldn't get jealous but I guess we will never find that out. ;) (oh and the sex: no comment :) hehehehe) I am happy.I did have a long term German BF, and he was extremely jealous. I couldn't talk to a man, even just a stranger to say hello, without him flipping out. We lived together for about a month, til I moved out, and left a message on his answer machine. And the Sex was all about him! Kept hoping he would get better. Left very disappointed!
I have also come across many comments on how German men would be the most happiest if woman did all of the cleaning. Ha! I believe my boyfriend sees more to me than just a "cleaning maid". And if he did he probably lost that thought the moment he met me. Although I am a pretty clean and neat person , I rather do things together than to be expected to do all of the work.
I feel very well respected as a woman in his eyes and I love the fact that we can talk and learn from each other all the time. Despite his busy schedule and the long distance in between we find ways to make each other smile.
About the topic of children and marriage , I really can't comment on that we still have tons of time before that topic of conversation comes up.3.Mar.2005 - 14:22 hrsYes, this is what I mean as well. On the one hand they enjoy the emancipation bit in the sense that we earn our own money AND still do the cooking and cleaning, but on the other hand they don't treat their women like women or in a courteous way. They also seem to all turn pretty pale the moment you mention the topic "children". Then it's "let's-get-out-of-here-time". This I have encountered so often with them! I have been living in Germany for very long already.. I otherwise really like them.
Despite the many opinions about German men it all comes down to :
1. Being yourself
2. Understanding each other's differences
3. Open communication
4. Establishing a good friendship before anything
and
5. Patience
I love my German and I feel like the most luckiest woman who has the best of the best.
Will be in his arms in 20 days.
http://www.toytowngermany.com/lofi/index.php/t13695.html
I think what you wrote is very refreshing.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this article.
I have a german suitor.
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I have a german boyfriend and I love him so much I totally understand everything you are saying
ReplyDeleteI have been dating a German man for 7 weeks. He is 41 and I am 32. He is divorced with 3 children and has been in the states for 5 years. I can say that I was surprised at how open he is with his feelings towards me. It seems most American men don't express their feelings as much. He is also not as negative as some other sites make German men out to be. He does love his work, but also likes when I make plans for us that pull him away from it. He is very affectionate when we are alone, very caring and considerate, and we have great conversations. As far as being a "typical" German, he is very punctual, loves asparagus/soccer/sailing/German beer, and hates American-made cars. Atypically, he is very clean and hygenic and is a great lover.
ReplyDeleteI have a German Boyfriend. We've been dating for 1 year now. He visits me 3 times a year. Its a LDR. He is the epitome of being a 'Gentleman'. I love him so so so much. I absolutely relate to what you have written.
ReplyDeleteThis is so great to read. I've been in an LDR with my German boy for 11 months, and I feel the exact same way that you do. I don't understand how I ever got so lucky- he truly is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteI have German friend since 3 years ago (we live so far, we only meet 3 times a years) at the beggining he shy and not speak too much,we sometime exchanging email. On last October 2013 we getting closer. and when I came to Europe he did so many effort to met me in busy day and he said he want I be his lover. He so romantic and so gentelment. I love my German boyfriend x
ReplyDeleteI feel enlighten with your blog. Me and my German bf are always fighting, but at the end of the day we still want to be with each other. After I checked what are German guys traits in general I feel more understanding why he is so opinionated and controlling. We are so opposite. Its in their blood hehe...well we are just starting as an LDR couple. I'm looking forward for his first visit this year. I'm positive we will meet halfway with our attitudes.There is no perfect relationship. But I will see to it he will acquire my being fun loving and adventurous :) pray for me guys ;)
ReplyDeleteI currently have a German boyfriend. We are settled in the same country which is pretty a favorable thing. Well like most of you guys, I really love him. Im am 31 and he is 43, divorced with a daughter back in Germany. Well both of us have our own career so we only have weekends for our quality time together. The best thing about him is that despite of very busy work schedules that both of us have, he has the initiative to have time for the two of us to be together either he will be traveling (as we live in different cities) or he will ask me to travel (esp if he is out of the country and he cannot make it to be with me as soon as possible).
ReplyDeleteI love him and that's all I know :)
the problem is that people base their experiences on the nationality. if you date one person you can not make assumptions about all the women or men in that country.
ReplyDeletei have been traveling a lot and met a lot of different men and women and you will find certain types in every country.
how your boyfriend treats you is very dependent on what kind of person he is, the nationality plays a part but its really unfair to basically sort out millions of people because you had a bad experience with one person. you might also rob yourself the chance to meet someone great just because of their nationality.
for german men: i have met a lot in business and social situations. all very different. germans are generally more direct, thats often seen as rude from americans or british people. germans on the other hand find phrases like "nice to meet you" when you dont really mean it dishonest.
that does not mean that german men arent shy. you will find a lot of shy guys there.
to me thats the interesting part in meeting or even dating foreign people: the cultural differences. it can make a relationship a lot harder or even a lot better because you communicate better and see things from different angles.
how your boyfriend treats you, good or bad, has nothing to do with the country he comes from. nobody would like to be punished because a person they are interested in had bad experiences with one person from the same country.
I have a German boyfriend too. He came all the way from Australia just to be with me. He's the sweetest thing on earth and I love him dearly. He is totally different from what others stereotype German people.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this! I found the same thing you did researching on german men. It was quite discouraging but I'm glad I never trust people because I now have the most wonderful German boyfriend in the world. He cooks and I clean, he was shy at the beginning but opened up with time and now he is extremely open with me about everything.
ReplyDeleteI love how direct he is, it's almost impossible to have any misunderstandings! Might not be the most romantic person, but he makes up for it with small details like picking up chocolate cake when I'm having a bad day and always pushing me to be my best (he once refused to talk to me until I admitted the grad school application of a grad school I was almost sure I'd never get it and sent him a picture of having submitted it).
Controlling? Not really. And when he is, he keeps it down when I explain to him why what he's doing is wrong. He's told me he loves how independent and strong I am. That's definitely something my ex boyfriends found irritating more than endearing. This may be a German thing, being one of the countries with the least gender gap.
Communication, maturity and never giving up on the relationship is what is necessary to make any relationship work. Good luck everyone :)
I'm thinking about dating a German guy,who I met on Christian Mingle. Good or bad?
ReplyDeletei agreed with this.. nothing can describes more about them because they are too perfect in my eyes, i met my German husband last year even we're just new in marriage but it's more than enough to me to feel lucky to had him in my life.. i am proud of my German man ^^"
ReplyDeleteMet a German guy 2 years ago, he was reserved and we barely talked. He went back to Germany and we only spoken a few times online.
ReplyDeleteNow he's back (for his phd) and we live together. He finally opened up and told me his feelings (even though I have guessed it! but always nice to hear it from him instead of assuming :)
He's really caring, we love preparing nice food together and on days where i come home late he will make me dinner so I can have nice warm food once I return :)
When we are out he is not very touchy but he's sweet when we are alone.
One thing I must say that he is REALLY dedicated to his work - and he also sees that I should too - he really encourages me to pursue my dreams and made it clear he wouldn't stand in the way - which he expects me to understand this from his point of view too.
Not sure if it's a German trait but he is a very logical and sensible person �� but still open minded in a way that he respects my opinion if I can provide sound reasoning to my conclusion. Always enjoy a good debate on ideas and topics with this man ��